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About Best Kids Show Ever:
Mission Statement: For far too long, children's
shows have been co-opted by sexually ambiguous,
drug abusing, left wing liberals looking
to corrupt our youth with loose morals and
dangerous socialist thoughts. They teach
subversive, submissive qualities such as
love, sharing and kindness to others.
Well, we say enough of
that!
If you want to raise pussies,
you keep sending
your kids to Sesame Street.
If you want your
child to KICK ASS, you
sit him or her down
in front of the Best Kids
Show Ever!
In this post 9-11 world,
it's about time
that someone brings FAMILY
VALUES back to
television.
The Best Kids Show Ever
was carefully developed
by a group of right wing
pundits and politicians
who know what America,
and your American
children need. Together,
with our corporate
partners, you can rest
assured that we will
take back the children
of America's minds.
Who we are:
We're a group of concerned VALUES ORIENTED parents and business leaders who realize
that the only way to instill the proper teachings
upon the children of AMERICA is to spread
our message via our vast media resources.
In addition to several other corporate sponsors,
we are underwritten by a grant from THE GLOBALDOM
CORPORATION, "we pay low so you can
buy more."
What we offer you:
Watching our show, you
can rest assured that
your child's mind is in
the hands of people
who care, people who know
how things Should
Be and aren't afraid to
stand up for What's
Right, even when the rest
of the world is
wrong. Unlike those liberal
public television
shows, our shows don't
teach corrupt values
like independent thinking,
and creativity.
Independent thinking is on par with treason.
Creativity is just code
for homosexual. If
you have a homosexual or
independant child,
you have to admit, you've
LOST CONTROL.
If there's one thing we know, it's CONTROL.
Our programming will teach
your children
how to
conform into society like a perfect cog
in a well
oiled machine. We do this with an education
based on our unchanging, unyielding, un-swayed
by any evidence otherwise, core beliefs.
What we believe:
We believe it's better
to row the boat than
to rock it.
We believe the Morality
Police ought to be
literal.
We believe there is only
room for ONE GOD
and if you don't believe
in OUR GOD, you
will go straight to hell
where you belong.
We believe everyone, regardless
of belief,
should be held to the laws
and wisdom taught
in the Holy Bible (except
for the parts we
don't agree with, especially
some of those
"love your enemies"
and "do
good to those that hate
you" quotes.
Sheesh, what liberal bullshit!).
We believe that you should
always OBEY your
government and NEVER question
authority.
We believe every country
poses or could pose
a threat to us.
We believe that homosexuality
is a Threat
To Family and an Attack
on Marriage.
We believe in Saying No
To Drugs.
We believe in Saying Yes
to Big Medicine
and Alcohol and Tobacco.
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